The Best Laid Plans........
The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men........ September 10, 2012
I'm sitting here at home, watching a teeny bopper, feel good movie... And ultimately thinking about my little girl. Thinking about the plans that I've laid for my pregnancy and for her birth. From the moment we decided to start trying I have planned for a completely natural birth, free from any drugs or interventions, and prayerfully, free from pain. I have placed all of my faith in God and in my body to do exactly what it was created to do. I claimed that I would have no sickness or any of the other negative symptoms that so many women experience during pregnancy. And I have received everything that I have claimed.... until now.
Wednesday I was given the news that my little girl simply refuses to descend into my pelvis. At 41 weeks, this is not the greatest news. She is perfectly healthy, as am I, and she is growing like a weed! But the fact that she will not drop causes a problem. Without her pressure on my cervix, my body won't progress past a certain point. In other words, my sweet girl is not going to be arriving on her own, or on the terms that I have had planned for so long. Hearing the words "cesarean section" from my midwife was devastating. And it made me mad. Not at her of course! I LOVE her! And she really hated to even have the necessary conversation with me. But she would have done me a disservice had she not given me the option. But I was mad at the enemy. I felt like I was being robbed! I had done everything right! Believed so well and so hard! And now here I am facing not only a medicated birth with a full spinal, but a surgical birth! Why is this happening? I cried for hours. We have no idea why she won't drop. Their ideas range from my body knowing simply that she won't fit, (she's currently estimated at 8lbs 14oz, but could be a pound lighter or HEAVIER!) to the possibility that her cord may simply be to short to allow her to drop.
My family rallied around me, prayed for, and encouraged me. My dad found me a chiropractor to start treatments and see if we could change anything. If the problem was simply my pelvis being out of line then hopefully this would help. My husband came along side me and told me that he would stand next to me no matter what I decided. My mom held my hand while I cried and reminded me that no matter how my baby comes into the world, I have not failed. Healthy mom, healthy baby is the important outcome. My sister-in-law and brother encouraged me with a reminder of how wonderful an experience they'd had with a c-section. And my midwife asked that I come in that Friday to speak with another Dr. from the practice that she had been consulting with. I would get to ask questions, gather information. When my family prayed, we prayed not for anything specific to happen, but that God would give Chris and I wisdom and peace in our decision making and that no matter what, God would get glory out of everything.
Thursday I prayed, researched and made lists of pros and cons. By the end of the evening I was fairly certain that I had made a decision. Friday morning I saw my chiropractor, had an excellent visit, and made a follow-up appointment for Monday, even though he said he was fairly certain that I would go into labor over the weekend and not need him! That afternoon I went to see Dr. Wright just knowing that she was going to check me and find that I had progressed and there would be no more talk of a c-section. Not so much. She checked my cervix and found that I had not progressed at all. But I was ok this time. I had decided that no matter what, God was still in control and that He had purposed this for a reason.
Dr. Wright began to give me some options. Her first choice was also mine. She wanted to wait and still give my body a chance. But once we decided how long we were going to wait, she wanted to schedule a c-section. She said that she was fairly certain that inducing labor would be like putting a gun to my head, causing me 2-3 days of labor and most likely ending in an emergency c-section. So we decided. This coming Wednesday I will be a full 42 weeks. The risks to Ariyah's health after that period are high and scary. I do not want to take her anywhere past that point. Therefore, if I have not gone into labor on my own, my little girl will be coming into the world, by way of c-section at 7am Wednesday September, 12, 2012. I am not giving up on my body. I am still going to see my chiropractor tomorrow (Monday) and see if anything changes. Dr. Wright and Jan said that they have been fooled before and suddenly a baby will engage (drop) and water will break and natural birth happens with no problem. And that this is most likely a one time thing, that with our next child I will probably be able to have a normal, natural birth with no problem. Bless God!
I am still waiting to find out what exactly the testimony will be here. Maybe it will simply be my learning that I am not in control. That my "best laid plans" aren't always what is best. The Bible says that God's thoughts are higher than our thoughts. His ways are higher than our ways. Perhaps I am simply being reminded that my Heavenly Father, like most of our earthly parents, knows what is best for us much more than we do. I find that I am constantly in need of lessons teaching me that even if I don't know the whole story, even if I can't see the entire plan, He never lifts His hands from it. If we can just be content with letting His plans work out for us in our lives, He is always in the midst of them. He never leaves us to our own devices unless we push Him out and demand control. I have been given such a peace about our entire situation and actually feel relief to know that while I am not taking the easy way out, our wait is just about over! Regardless of what my body does, our precious angel will be here, in our arms and lives in just a few short days! No more guessing and wondering! And I have peace that even though I don't know exactly why things are happening, or what exactly may happen, I don't have to worry. All I have to do is let go and let God. He will never let me down. In all of this, I am still receiving the utmost desire of my heart. I am going to be a mommy. I am going to finally have a child of my own. What more of a testimony could I ask for? Out of my husband and I enjoying our marriage, God has knit together and created a living human being. A child as spiritually alive as you and me. And He has granted us the amazing blessing of being her parents, her stewards. My heart is completely overwhelmed. I cannot give Him enough thanks. But I will praise Him and give Him glory all the days of my life.
I'm sitting here at home, watching a teeny bopper, feel good movie... And ultimately thinking about my little girl. Thinking about the plans that I've laid for my pregnancy and for her birth. From the moment we decided to start trying I have planned for a completely natural birth, free from any drugs or interventions, and prayerfully, free from pain. I have placed all of my faith in God and in my body to do exactly what it was created to do. I claimed that I would have no sickness or any of the other negative symptoms that so many women experience during pregnancy. And I have received everything that I have claimed.... until now.
Wednesday I was given the news that my little girl simply refuses to descend into my pelvis. At 41 weeks, this is not the greatest news. She is perfectly healthy, as am I, and she is growing like a weed! But the fact that she will not drop causes a problem. Without her pressure on my cervix, my body won't progress past a certain point. In other words, my sweet girl is not going to be arriving on her own, or on the terms that I have had planned for so long. Hearing the words "cesarean section" from my midwife was devastating. And it made me mad. Not at her of course! I LOVE her! And she really hated to even have the necessary conversation with me. But she would have done me a disservice had she not given me the option. But I was mad at the enemy. I felt like I was being robbed! I had done everything right! Believed so well and so hard! And now here I am facing not only a medicated birth with a full spinal, but a surgical birth! Why is this happening? I cried for hours. We have no idea why she won't drop. Their ideas range from my body knowing simply that she won't fit, (she's currently estimated at 8lbs 14oz, but could be a pound lighter or HEAVIER!) to the possibility that her cord may simply be to short to allow her to drop.
My family rallied around me, prayed for, and encouraged me. My dad found me a chiropractor to start treatments and see if we could change anything. If the problem was simply my pelvis being out of line then hopefully this would help. My husband came along side me and told me that he would stand next to me no matter what I decided. My mom held my hand while I cried and reminded me that no matter how my baby comes into the world, I have not failed. Healthy mom, healthy baby is the important outcome. My sister-in-law and brother encouraged me with a reminder of how wonderful an experience they'd had with a c-section. And my midwife asked that I come in that Friday to speak with another Dr. from the practice that she had been consulting with. I would get to ask questions, gather information. When my family prayed, we prayed not for anything specific to happen, but that God would give Chris and I wisdom and peace in our decision making and that no matter what, God would get glory out of everything.
Thursday I prayed, researched and made lists of pros and cons. By the end of the evening I was fairly certain that I had made a decision. Friday morning I saw my chiropractor, had an excellent visit, and made a follow-up appointment for Monday, even though he said he was fairly certain that I would go into labor over the weekend and not need him! That afternoon I went to see Dr. Wright just knowing that she was going to check me and find that I had progressed and there would be no more talk of a c-section. Not so much. She checked my cervix and found that I had not progressed at all. But I was ok this time. I had decided that no matter what, God was still in control and that He had purposed this for a reason.
Dr. Wright began to give me some options. Her first choice was also mine. She wanted to wait and still give my body a chance. But once we decided how long we were going to wait, she wanted to schedule a c-section. She said that she was fairly certain that inducing labor would be like putting a gun to my head, causing me 2-3 days of labor and most likely ending in an emergency c-section. So we decided. This coming Wednesday I will be a full 42 weeks. The risks to Ariyah's health after that period are high and scary. I do not want to take her anywhere past that point. Therefore, if I have not gone into labor on my own, my little girl will be coming into the world, by way of c-section at 7am Wednesday September, 12, 2012. I am not giving up on my body. I am still going to see my chiropractor tomorrow (Monday) and see if anything changes. Dr. Wright and Jan said that they have been fooled before and suddenly a baby will engage (drop) and water will break and natural birth happens with no problem. And that this is most likely a one time thing, that with our next child I will probably be able to have a normal, natural birth with no problem. Bless God!
I am still waiting to find out what exactly the testimony will be here. Maybe it will simply be my learning that I am not in control. That my "best laid plans" aren't always what is best. The Bible says that God's thoughts are higher than our thoughts. His ways are higher than our ways. Perhaps I am simply being reminded that my Heavenly Father, like most of our earthly parents, knows what is best for us much more than we do. I find that I am constantly in need of lessons teaching me that even if I don't know the whole story, even if I can't see the entire plan, He never lifts His hands from it. If we can just be content with letting His plans work out for us in our lives, He is always in the midst of them. He never leaves us to our own devices unless we push Him out and demand control. I have been given such a peace about our entire situation and actually feel relief to know that while I am not taking the easy way out, our wait is just about over! Regardless of what my body does, our precious angel will be here, in our arms and lives in just a few short days! No more guessing and wondering! And I have peace that even though I don't know exactly why things are happening, or what exactly may happen, I don't have to worry. All I have to do is let go and let God. He will never let me down. In all of this, I am still receiving the utmost desire of my heart. I am going to be a mommy. I am going to finally have a child of my own. What more of a testimony could I ask for? Out of my husband and I enjoying our marriage, God has knit together and created a living human being. A child as spiritually alive as you and me. And He has granted us the amazing blessing of being her parents, her stewards. My heart is completely overwhelmed. I cannot give Him enough thanks. But I will praise Him and give Him glory all the days of my life.
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