His Grace for the Chaos

     Grocery shopping... I know there are many people who abhor grocery shopping. Me, personally? It is, by far, one of my absolute favorite things to do, even with my two small children in tow. There is something about roaming the aisles with my well made list and my calculator knowing that what I am doing is going to feed my family. Today I got to add to the joy I already get from grocery shopping by including one of my very best friends, my sister-in-love, Danielle, in the mix. We rarely get to spend time together so we were definitely looking forward to this outing. Off to Aldi we went.      Every day you can read stories all over social media about the various injustices that people encounter when they are out in public. Human beings have a bad habit of abusing each other and taking each other for granted in atrocious ways. I am never one to post those kinds of stories though. I sometimes feel like I walk around in a bubble of happiness beca...

Dear B'rit,      My beautiful, cherished, wanted baby, tomorrow is what should be your second birthday. It has been two years; two hard, emotional, amazing years since you blessed our family with your short life and then left us to take your place in Heaven. I'm currently doing what any mom of a soon-to-be two-year-old would be doing the night before a birthday. I'm making cupcakes. Your big sister, Ariyah, and I will have some for breakfast and we'll talk about you. She still doesn't really understand who you are or where you are. She knows that you are her brother but it is a hard concept for her right now since she can't see you. She likes to talk about you though, and I can't help but love to hear her say your name. I might even give your little sister, Mayim a few tastes of the gooey chocolate cake. I'm still not sure how or when I will be able to explain to her about you. I'm not sure how I'll help her understand why I look at her sometime...

The last ultrasound photo of our boy, 8 weeks      Two days ago I took a very brave step and shared the very painful, very personal story of the miscarriage that my husband and I, and our families, have endured. It was very difficult to write, as I had to go back to moments that I had completely buried in the back of my mind and relive them in order to get them onto the screen... I had to stop writing at times because I could not see my computer through the tears that were flowing. Yes, one full year later my heart hurts like I just got the news this morning. But my life continues. My God remains faithful.       For the past year I have stood, crawled, and lain on my belly through the most painful storm of my life. A storm which, at the beginning, I thought was unbearable, one I couldn't possibly survive. I have asked questions, been angry, and even wished I could forget it all. I've fallen more times than I can count. But I've stood ...

365 days. 12 months. 52 weeks.                               One year. One full year has passed. For months now writing this blog has been on my heart. I could not decide how to write it. I could not decide what tone it should have. But I knew that I needed to write. And I knew that I needed to share.                Then, October 22, 2014 I was sitting in church listening to a guest minister that, honestly, is not my favorite. But I was determined to listen and try to glean something. I knew that God had something for me that night. And I got it. The minister was talking about himself and his own situation- but he made one statement, asked one question that had been posed to him by God. That one question was my entire reason for being there that night. This ...

More of Ariyah's birth story! Originally published October 24, 2012. Six weeks ago, at 7:52am, the most amazing miracle in the world happened. My beautiful little girl was brought into the world by way of cesarean section. A little over a week prior to this, when I found out that this was the road I was going to have to take I was devastated, angry, and worried. All my plans for a beautiful, drug-free, natural birth went flying out the window. My little girl simply would not descend into my pelvis and start my labor. And no one could figure out why. We'd had countless ultrasounds over the past 10 weeks and no one could see anything wrong. We were befuddled to say the least. But I prayed for guidance and felt peace at the decision to have the c-section. All I really wanted was my baby to be healthy, and for a birth story that would give God glory. Thankfully I have a wonderful midwife and worked with a wonderful doctor who both agreed that inducing my labor, in my situation,...

The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men........ September 10, 2012 I'm sitting here at home, watching a teeny bopper, feel good movie... And ultimately thinking about my little girl. Thinking about the plans that I've laid for my pregnancy and for her birth. From the moment we decided to start trying I have planned for a completely natural birth, free from any drugs or interventions, and prayerfully, free from pain. I have placed all of my faith in God and in my body to do exactly what it was created to do. I claimed that I would have no sickness or any of the other negative symptoms that so many women experience during pregnancy. And I have received everything that I have claimed.... until now. Wednesday I was given the news that my little girl simply refuses to descend into my pelvis. At 41 weeks, this is not the greatest news. She is perfectly healthy, as am I, and she is growing like a weed! But the fact that she will not drop causes a problem. Without her pressure on my cer...

Original source unknown. New beginnings are amazing... Amazingly wonderful and amazingly SCARY! Here I am with a new beginning. 2016 is barely 19 days old. And like any 19-day-old we have had ups and downs, ins and outs, many tears, sleepless nights. We have also known great joy in these three short weeks. These weeks have been full of smiles and laughter and have brought with them many firsts and many dreams. In less than a month we have been stretched, called, and though it doesn't always feel like it, we are being equipped for the many new things that God is calling us into for this year. My world is changing. It is uncomfortable. I am anxious. However, it is all for good and incredibly exciting. New opportunities are arising while still others are being desperately hoped for. New paths are being forged into new journeys. This blog is part of the new path and the new journey that God is bringing me into as an individual. He is doing big things in my family on a whole, but ...